Whether anyone reads what I write has always seemed the lesser matter. The greater one is the attempt itself. Writing exposes a man. It draws back the curtain and leaves him standing, however reluctantly, in his own light. There is vulnerability in that, more than most people care to admit. Yet something in me has always found the risk worthwhile. To give shape to what the mind’s eye sees—to hunt for the exact phrase that will carry not only thought but feeling—has seemed, to me, one of the few labors that is at once humbling and exhilarating.
My attachment to words may have begun, oddly enough, not with books but with paper itself. The printed page fascinated me long before I understood why. When I entered the workforce in 1966, my first trade was printing. It was honest work, inky work, work that left its mark on your hands and your clothes and, if you were not careful, on your very imagination. I worked on everything from Girl Scout Cookie boxes to industrial shipping crates, and for a time on a couple of Ohio newspapers besides. In those days the old hot-lead process still lingered, stubborn and magnificent, like some aging craftsman unwilling to surrender his place. I learned to set type in that antiquated world, then watched the industry bend toward offset, and later digital print, each new method arriving with the promise of greater speed and lesser romance.
Yet in all of it, the page itself retained its mystery. I came to admire its architecture—the balance of white space and ink, the harmony of margins, the way a headline could carry authority merely by where it sat and how it breathed. To me, a well-laid-out magazine was never just a vehicle for information. It was art. Quiet art, perhaps, but art nonetheless. Even now I can feel the old pleasure of seeing a page properly built, every element in its place, as satisfying as a well-tuned chord or a room with perfect proportions.
Later, when life carried me into ministry and I found myself serving as pastor to two small rural churches in Ohio, my relationship with language deepened further. I had been preaching for years by then, speaking from conviction and habit and whatever measure of grace God chose to lend me. But, I began to notice certain flaws in my delivery, small things, perhaps, to others, but to me they had become impossible to ignore. So I set about correcting them the only way I knew how. I began writing my sermons out in full, organizing them carefully into outline form and keeping them in a small notebook I could hold in my hand.
There was comfort in that discipline. It steadied me. It kept me from wandering too far afield. It taught me how to hear my own thoughts before I loosed them upon a congregation. But the greater lesson came afterward, when I tried to hand out fleshed-out copies of those sermons to parishioners as they filed out of the sanctuary, still shaking hands, still smiling their Sunday smiles beneath the soft murmur of dismissal. It did not take long to discover that what preaches well does not always read well. The spoken word can ride tone and timing and gesture. It can lean on silence. It can gather force from breath and cadence and the warmth of a living voice. On the page, however, it must stand alone.
That realization kindled something in me. I became interested, not merely in saying a thing but in shaping it with care, turning a phrase with thrift, using as few words as possible while still carrying the full weight of what I meant. More than that, I wanted to communicate not only what I thought, but what I felt. I wanted the words to contain not just electricity, but chemistry—to hold some trace of pulse and temperature, some suggestion of the life that gave rise to them. It was not enough for an idea to be clear. I wanted it to be alive.
People often say that writing is cheaper than therapy, and perhaps there is more truth than wit in that remark. Certainly it has served such a purpose for me at times. But writing is more than relief. It is more than the simple discharge of thought onto paper. It is, at its best, a means of formalizing what otherwise remains vague and shifting inside me. It forces the hand. It compels a man to decide what he truly feels, what he truly thinks, what he truly believes, and where, beneath all his rehearsed opinions, his hidden loyalties actually lie.
The page is patient but it is not indulgent. It has a way of reflecting a man back to himself with a severity that conversation often lacks. In writing, I have been made to confront the foggy edges of my own thinking, the cherished biases I had mistaken for conclusions and the old resentments I still carry toward things that cannot be undone. The process has not always been flattering. Long have I known the Scripture that says, from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, and yet there are times, reading my own words back to myself, when I have felt a sadness settle over me. For, between the lines, a man may sometimes glimpse more of himself than he wished to reveal.
Still, there is growth in that reckoning. Perhaps, especially in that reckoning. Writing has helped me understand where I am unfinished. It has exposed the places where bitterness remains, where tenderness has thinned, where faith and fatigue still wrestle beneath the skin. It has shown me, too, that clarity is not merely a matter of style but of honesty. A dishonest man may write eloquently, but he will not write clearly for long. Sooner or later the murk within him reaches the page.
And yet for all its hazards, I keep returning to it. Improvement, I have learned, comes to no one who merely wishes to write. There is no advancement in longing, no secret apprenticeship in waiting. The only progress is in the doing. One must sit down and begin, whether the spirit is willing or stubborn, whether the stream runs clear or thick with mud. That is how the thing is learned. That is how the hand grows steadier. That is how the voice, such as it is, comes into its own.
My own method, if it deserves so formal a name, has often been one of stream-of-consciousness. I do my best to let it flow, to follow the current where it leads, and once it begins moving, I have learned not to interrupt it with too much caution. There are times when the words seem to arrive of their own accord, as if they had merely been waiting for permission. At such moments my task is not invention so much as obedience. I simply roll with it, trusting that what emerges may, in the end, reveal why it needed saying.
Why do I write about the things I do? I could not give a full accounting if I tried. The truest answer is likely the plainest one: because those are the things that come out. They rise unbidden from whatever depth they inhabit and make their claim upon me. Perhaps the modern world, with its endless avenues of publication and its tireless invitation to self-expression, makes it altogether too easy for amateurs and narcissists alike to broadcast their passions. Very likely it does. The World Wide Web has flung wide the doors that once kept much private musing safely in the desk drawer.
And yet here I am.
Not because I imagine myself indispensable. Not because I expect to persuade the world of anything. I have neither the appetite nor the illusion for such grand designs. I write because the compulsion remains. I write because craft, once it has taken hold of a man, demands exercise. I write because some inward necessity keeps reaching for form. Whether the work is polished or rough, wise or foolish, whether it strikes anyone else as worthwhile or merely indulgent, it is the labor I have been given and, in some curious way, the one I continue to choose.
